Sunday, July 11, 2015

The day before heading back to work after vacation is usually the worst, but today I compounded those feelings of tension and cantankerous peevishness in the following three ways:

1.) I went on a 6.5 mile run which, despite feeling really good, probably aggravated the blistering sunburn I have sizzling on my back;

 

2.) I incessantly touched the blisters on my back to remind myself how revolting they were.  This is just disgusting.  I've had some pretty sever sunburns in my time, and I've never had blisters like this show up.  Was I just being a baby about all of those other sunburns I thought were bad?   Truthfully, this isn't the most painful sunburn I've have, but it is the grossest. (I have vivid nightmares of horrifying bumps or legions popping up on my skin, so it legitimately is one of my worst nightmares.);

3.) Getting angry at my person when I met her and her dad for pick up this evening. I hate getting angry with Funny, especially when she comes home from David's, because I'm usually so excited to see her, and she's usually exhausted and obviously needs a moment (or 1-24 hours) to officially adapt to "reentry" to my house/my rules.  

I walked into Chopt, and found David laughing enthusiastically, suspending Fal upsidedown as Fallon is spitting (?) on him, missing, and consequently leaving a large puddle of spittle on the floor of the crowded food establishment. Gross! This is inappropriate at best, but probably slightly below sunburn blisters on the grossness scale.  Have I entered an alternate universe where things are not as icky as I think they are?  David could have been my main squeeze and I'd sill be alarmed/appalled at the spit situation, which he attempted to remedy by rubbing it in to the tile floor with his flip-flop. Klassy.

I scolded Fallon then made her fetch napkins to wipe it up while David called me the party-pooper, so her delight in seeing me (the Rule-Enforcer, apparently) was notably diminished.  

She then promptly took, sipped, and spilled my bottle of Gatorade on the floor, and we went through another round of napkins and scolding.  Although that was an accident, not actually her fault....still, it was no fun being the rule-enforcing, serious parent.  

David had taken Fallon to the water park with her cousin Emily and his dad, the third weekend in a row they've done something childhood MM would have considered a "special event," and in the car ride home, Funny gave me the silent treatment, and would only acknowledge my presence or speak to say [whine] that she missed Daddy (Humph.) and that mommy's house doesn't have a playground (False.  And....ummm, we go there ALL the time....?!).  

The peaceful, sympathetic, well-rested, lightly sunkissed mommy would have reacted better....I'm fairly certain.  But sleep-deprived, sunburnt, PMS-ing mom did not. I commenced a lecture, which I knew was not really appropriate because she was clearly exhausted. And moreover a 3 year old has every right to miss her parent and not want to say good-bye, and the right to say so to her mommy. 

I shouldn't be mad at her because David takes her to Chuck-E-Cheese, the water parks, the playgrounds, the movies all the time, and I have to take her to fun thrill-a-minute daycare.  I should be mad at David or the universe, or someone/something bigger and more powerful than Funny for that. I don't want her to dread coming home, but I also don't want to be the un-fun, rule-&-manners-police, who is constantly repeating "Quick, quick, we're late for school!" in a campaign of efficiency and productivity, while her dad runs the entertainment factory. I may need to look into a therapist...maybe both for me and for the Funny.  I need advice, and just someone to listen (besides my mom) and I want to make sure Funny is okay and feels comfortable in the situation of which I have little to no control.   

The bright side of the day is that, after finally recovering the remote control to my roku box, I discovered and fell in love with Comedians riding in Cars getting Coffee. I could not have found a better way to relax and unwind on a Sunday evening after alienating my three-year-old daughter. I owe special thanks to Jerry Seinfeld for bringing that to me at such a needed moment.  And also to St. Anthony for helping me find my annoying small Roku remote control.  

Pre-Race Poetry. (Belated)

Although I did not get to officially post a traditional pre-race poem before I ran the Philadelphia Marathon, rest assured I composed said poetry prior to running....or traveling. Please enjoy:

The Philadelphia Marathon.

A Haiku:

Eye of the Tiger...
First marathon in two years.
Bebe will be there.


A Limerick:

I am running the marathon, Philly.
The weather, it may be quite chilly!
As I fly down the street
To T.Swift's Sick. Beat.,
I hope I will not look too silly.

I cannot wait to write a race recap....stay tuned....

Seven Day Countdown...

In just seven days I will run my first full marathon in almost two years, and my first race at all in eighteen months: The Philadelphia Marathon....and I'm very nervous.  I am probably just as nervous as I was before my first race or marathon ever, and I'm not quite sure why.

Maybe I'm nervous because I'm feeling less prepared for this race than I was hoping to be.  I had been hoping to get a new Personal Record, and get some solid long runs in this summer and fall.  But, Fallon and I have been sick on and off for most of October, and work has been very demanding since July, so I haven't trained as much as I would have liked...certainly not as much as I thought I would have in June when I registered for the race.  I have run marathons severely under-prepared before, but the fact that I have not run one in so long has decreased my confidence.  

Maybe I'm nervous because I haven't cross-trained the way I have in the past.  Before almost all my previous races, I have taken spin classes and weight trained to supplement running to prevent injuries. But, I haven't been able to take any classes this time around, and my weight training has been sporadic at best. At least it has occurred, but it hasn't been consistent and so my muscles haven't dramatically improved in strength and definition.

I am a little nervous about the logistics of the trip. I'm taking Fallon and two friends up to Philadelphia with me. And my dad is coming down from Boston to watch Fallon. The entire entourage does have me uncertain. I do not know how the dynamics will be.  As dear and generous as my two friends, Bob and Elizabeth, are, it's difficult for two people without children to understand exactly how slow and hectic a two and a half year old can make things.  My girlfriend Elizabeth told me she was planning on wearing a specific shirt that Fallon will like.  That's adorable. But it only concerns me more because my particular two-year-old has a knack for making those who try hard feel completely inadequate.  She has cut my mom, brother, and sister to the quick at various times.
I hope she doesn't hurt anyone's feelings....or have a meltdown in the middle of the expo...something I can absolutely see happening.

My dad is another x-factor in this equation.  Our relationship could best be described as "distant," and often described in much more severe terms.  He lives in Massachusetts, and is very excited to come down, watch the race, and take care of Fallon.  In fact, the only things we have really ever connected on have been me running marathons and Fallon.  Hopefully, this will be a positive, but it will definitely add a dynamic for which I am not sure I'm prepared.  He's not, and never has been the "cool dad" that my friends would be happy to have around.  Moast of the time, I rarely wanted him around.  I am just hoping the weekend is friendly, and he is well-groomed and congenial.  And that Fallon is nice to him.  (Actually now that I think about it, we'll have a lot of decades represented in this little entourage: Fallon (0-10), Elizabeth (20-30), Me (30-40), Bob (40-50), and Dad (60-70)...what an age range!)

Another logistical curve ball is our accommodations.  We are staying in an AirBNB. I've never used AirBNB before, and while I'm excited, I'm not quite sure what to expect.  The place looks cool--it's an art studio that's been converted into living space.  But, I am not sure it's in a safe part of the city I'm not that familiar with the city, but this was the closest place that could accommodate everyone.  I have my fingers crossed that it will be fine, but it adds an element of uncertainty one doesn't have when booking a hotel room or with a friend.

My ne'er-do-well friend Kevin, who is a dedicated and talented cyclist, told me not to worry, that I am "an athlete." I know that's true, and I believe him, but that doesn't mean that I'm feeling less "Peyton Manning," (an athlete in his prime, constantly bettering his abilities) and more "JaMarcus Russell" (the unstructured former Raiders quarterback, who relied on talent and did not hone his skills.)

I am hopeful it will all go well.  That everyone will get along, that the race--and the race-day weather--will be wonderful. If any one of the above concerns felt as if it was resolved or a non-worry, I think I could relax a little.  But right now, I am not full of confidence.  Fingers crossed...

...AND, 10 months into 2012, we're back!

What's happened in the past 10 months, you wonder? Let's see...

(NOTE: both my camera and my regular computer have been temporarily put out of service, so the pictures, which would make my blog oh-so much more entertaining are missing...will add later.)

January 7 - Ran (kinda) the DisneyWorld HALF Marathon.  Five months pregnant. Had to stop to pee FOUR times because bebe was leaning on my bladder. Also, was running in my very snazzy, but not-easily-removable Mulan costume, which made bathroom pitstops excessively time consuming. (see pregnant Mulan here.)

Made for a long and grumpy run....I was slated to run the Goofy Challenge. (Which means I would have run the full marathon on Sunday, following the half marathon on Saturday.)  But, I was very tired, and I opted out of the 3am wake-up call for the full marathon.

The bad thing about that decision is/was that, unlike normal races, after which everyone dispurses and goes their seperate ways, in Disney World, everyone walks around wearing their medals, so it was a big bummer to see everyone in their medals when I didn't run the full race. My friend Bob, who ran the half with me, kept pointing out that I was pregnant and that naturally imposed a few physical limitations....but it was still disappointing. (This was Poor Bob's first half marathon, and I believe his first race ever, so he was SUPER-excited to have finished the half...a frame of mind that made it difficult for him to fathom why I was annoyed for having ONLY finished the half.  He was very very patient with his irritable pregnant compadre.)

April 20 - Gave birth to beautiful bebe girl, Fallon!! A wonderful, magical perfect little creature!

April 26 - Found out I got picked to run the NYC Marathon on November 4th! Hurrah!! Motivation, one would hope, to get myself back on the workout-wagon....in 6-8 weeks.

May 29 - Approved to work out again. Did not feel very ready for this....I had a c-section, and my tummy still seemed pretty fragile. The doctor said I should maybe take it easy on the abs, but everything was is a-ok. Hmmm...am I wimpy?

June 16 - My first run (jog) after Fallon was born. I remember this because it was Father's Day weekend, so my new bebe was spending the weekend with her dad and his family. As often happens to me after taking a break from running, while I was running, I felt amazing--like I was born to run forever! Then, as is typical, the next 3-4 days, my entire body was sore.

Week after June 16 - My second run (jog) after bebe was born...much harder.  Felt like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz trying to move my body....for most of my runs this summer, I felt like this, and I just kept having to give myself a pep talk--A little of Nike's "Just do it" and I had to keep reminding myself that every time I do it, it will get better and easier....even if at the time it was difficult, slow and frustrating.

Sometime in June - Signed up for the 2013 Goofy Challenge (in January) determined to cross it off the running-bucket-list. Bob is going again this year....this will keep me motivated because, now that I am not pregnant, I have a strong desire to beat his time! ;)

July 23 - Started back at work post-bebe....not as scary asI had built it up to be in my mind....actually a fairly smooth transition. Running outside is no longer a frequent possibility because now when I'm not at work, I have the baby.  Restricted to mostly treadmill workouts.  I know I should start strength training, but when I only have small windows of time when I can workout, running seems to take top priority.

August 1 - A little less than a year after finding out I was pregnant, I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight....while this is really a nice feeling, except I was a bit over my ideal weight last summer, so I know that pre-pregnancy weight is not exactly my "ideal" weight....still have about 15 more pounds to lose....goal to to lose them by NYC Marathon (November 4).

August 23 - The NYC Marathon announces that they are doing away with bag check. Just the biggest marathon ever. In the world. But, heck....who needs supplies?? Seriously...WHAT??

August 29 - Signed up for the Baltimore Marathon on October 13...mainly so I know I will get a long run in before the NYC race...And, also so I can run a race that bebe can come watch me finish.

September 8: Started back at my second job working retail. I do this mainly for social reasons, since my office is very small (only 7 people) and I don't know a whole lot of people in this area. Also for the discount on clothes! ;) But it definitely takes away from training time....especially since the store I work in has been short staffed, so I've been working more hours than I originally intended.

September 18: Went to my first spinning class in almost a year...forgot water bottle and towel, so a 45 minute workout felt very long. After, I felt great though--Gumby legs and all!!

That brings me up to about now...getting down to crunch time to fit in some long runs before my marathon(s), and trying to get back on the blogging bandwagon....

Reevaluating [or finding] my motivation

I'm having a lot of trouble with my motivation to work out and stay in shape lately.  In the past, and I'm sure in the future (post-baby-birth in late April), I've been extremely motivated by the little number on my scale every morning.  It's one of the reasons I bought a high-priced scale.  The accuracy of that number could make or break my day....and also push me to work out  on days I might not be feeling it.

But now, my weight is going up regardless of what I do, so the numbers that normally light a fire within me aren't there.  I realize I'm growing a human being right now, and that requires a certain amount of additional calories, fluids and consequently, poundage.  But, it's hard to stay motivated to work out when I know the scale numbers are just going to go up regardless.  Also, as someone who enjoys "pushing herself," it's frustrating to workout when I am not allowed to do that.  I have to make sure my heart rate doesn't go too high, and my body isn't overstraining itself.  A big hunk of the fun is gone with these limitations.

My races are not motivating me either....Not even the fact that the "Goofy Challenge is ONE WEEK away!  I haven't been training properly, and I know, if I finish the marathon, it will be some sort of miraculous occurrence.  (Although that hasn't been preventing me from selecting my Disney-themed running attire!  Still motivated by race-day fashion. :))  I know there's a large contingent of runners who love running events regardless of their finish time.  But, I'm a very competitive person.  Not so much with other runners, but with myself.  I like to run an event because I like trying to beat my old PR, or get under a certain time.  I don't like running races knowing that I won't be able to push myself the way I want to.  I enjoy running regardless, but again, it's becoming frustrating when my body won't do what I'm accustomed to making it do.

Running outdoors is hard, because I'm more apprehensive about becoming dehydrated. (and I've needed a LOT of extra water during my normal workouts now.)  Also, my workout clothes are becoming more and more uncomfortable, so it's easier to either be on the bike in spin or on my treadmill where, if I need to make a wardrobe adjustment (and/or a quick pit-stop....because I need to pee a lot more often too) I can pretty easily. 

As I mentioned, I have the Goofy Challenge coming up in eight days and I am not ready.  Usually when I say I'm not ready for a race, I mean I'm a few long runs short of confident.  But this time, I really mean it. I'm not ready....I can finish the half. The full the next day will be another story.  Not sure exactly what shape I'll be in....especially since, I plan on walking around Disney World all day Thursday and Friday, then racing on Saturday and Sunday....Sunday (& Monday) could both end up being quite brutal.  I'm obviously not going to be running the entirety of both races....more like a very slow run/walk combo.  I hope to finish both, but that might not be feasible. 

These are my last races before my bebe-induced race sabbatical.  I'm already excited about running post-bebe, and choosing a "comeback" race afterward!  But, in the meantime, I need some tips on how to stay motivated to keep working out. How do you keep yourself motivated?  And how do I keep myself going, even though I'm gaining pounds and inches? Any advice will be helpful!

Secrets, secrets are no fun....Secrets, secrets...

....make it VERY difficult to write a blog!

A few weeks ago I got a very nice email from a fellow blogger, and subsequent friend, wondering why I hadn't posted in a couple of months.  I've been off the radar, and it was really nice to know that someone was noticing! In theory, I should now have tons of extra time to be writing my blog!--my commute has gone from one hour each way down to 15 minutes round-trip.  But I've been sitting on some delicate personal information since August, and I wasn't quite ready to blog about it.  Now--finally--I'm ready to put fingertips to keyboard and share some big news: I'm pregnant!

I'm having a baby at the end of April.  It was a complete surprise, and I've been very slowly telling people in my life and coming to terms with it myself.  When I first found out, I was completely panicked and shocked. I had just moved into my own apartment (sans sibling-roommate) in a new neighborhood, and just started a new job, with a lot of new colleagues....I felt as if my life was on a new and fresh trajectory. To say that motherhood was not in my immediate plans would be a massive understatement.  Not to mention that I was signed up for FOUR marathons and one half marathon between October and January.  Some of which, like the Goofy Challenge next month, I was/am not willing to compromise on running.

I knew I didn't want a romantic relationship with the baby's father.  We had dated briefly last summer, before he accepted a contracting job in Iraq.  He left the country and was gone for nine months, during which my romantic feelings for him faded, but his seemed to intensify. He returned to the states in July and was here for just a few weeks before his employer sent him to Texas (for an indefinite period of time.)  I knew I really "wasn't that into him" anymore when he came back.  But I also knew he had been alone in Iraq for nine months, pining away, and I felt a bit guilty.  In hindsight, I realize that sounds pretty ridiculous, but at the time, it made sense.  To his dismay, my feelings didn't magically change once I found out I was pregnant.

I seriously weighed my options for a few weeks, but somewhere deep inside me, I knew I couldn't see myself terminating the pregnancy.  I'm not against abortion legally, but for myself, I couldn't see that happening.  Also, I had spent the summer applying for jobs and interviewing all over the place--everywhere from Jacksonville, FL to Lake Placid, NY, and I ended up accepting a position a mere ten minutes from my family.    I also serendipitously rented a 2-bedroom apartment, instead of a 1-bedroom, thinking I could have an office or a spare bedroom or something.  So, when I considered my situation, I was actually in the best possible position for something like this to happen.  I mean, if I had accepted a position in Lake Placid, and was hundreds of miles away from my family, I might have been less confident with my abilities to handle the situation.

Also, even though I'm not romantically involved with the dad, I know he will be a very loving, generous and participatory father.  He wants very much to be involved, and he is extremely frustrated that he is stuck in Texas and can't be close by for doctor's appointments and pregnancy milestones.  His family lives in Maryland, and they are also very excited and eager to be involved.  So, I feel confident that this baby will have plenty of people to love and care for it, even if I will be raising it on my own.

Selfishly, the first things I thought about when I found out were the races I'd signed up for, some of which require travel, and one of which was (and is) the Goofy Challenge in Disney World.  I worried I might not be able to participate in or finish some (or any!) of my scheduled races.  (Also, being the Disney-phile that I am, I was REALLY upset that I knew I'd be in WDW and unable to ride all of those rides that said " not safe for pregnant women or people prone to seizures."--which means, most of my favorite rides will be out of the question...cry, cry.)  I immediately googled pregnant runners to find blogs and first-hand accounts of women completing full and half marathons during their pregnancies.  After reading several accounts of pregnant runners, I thought it was pretty obvious that this would be a feasible task.  But, the more I talked to people, the more people discouraged me from running long distance races, especially in my first trimester, when I was more prone to a miscarriage.

WebMD.com. Furthermore, I have found just as many medical professionals with opposite opinions. I was really disappointed with her, because, as a first-time pregnant person, I have very little idea of what's completely normal and what is abnormal/what I should worry about.

I talked to my mom, who is a nurse, but not a runner.  She had her doctor look at my bloodwork and give me some information more specific to me.  She assured me that he would understand my plight, being a runner himself, and also being the father of five girls--hence knowing how difficult and opinionated girls can be.  As it turns out, my bloodwork got a big thumbs down.  My only race in my first trimester, the Baltimore Marathon was out.  The doctor said I could do the half, but that my red blood cell count was too low to be attempting the full.  He said he worried about having enough oxygen for both me and my fetus, and was worried that I might have a heart attack.  The two words "heart attack" were enough to get me to downgrade to the half for Baltimore. (A race report is forthcoming.)

The next race on my calendar was the Richmond Marathon in Richmond, VA.  I decided to not run  that at all.  That was a bit easier decision, as I was planning on running it & traveling there by myself.  It had also been really inexpensive to enter the race, so I didn't feel like I was losing too much of my financial investment. Lastly, I signed up for Richmond specifically so I could get a PR, since it is known as a flat and very fast (and very pretty course.) It was not a "bucket list" race by any means and, if I wasn't going to be at a performance level I was happy with, the point of running the race would be completely missed.

The last two races on my agenda, before ze bebe forces me to take a brief sabbatical, were the Las Vegas Marathon, which I downgraded to a half and ran this weekend (another race report is forthcoming....spoiler: a badly organized event!) and the Goofy Challenge, taking place in under a month.  Both of those were/are races that I've been looking forward to for a long time.  I know my time won't make me proud, but I still would like to race them this year, as scheduled, and not put them off for another time. My friend Bob will be running the DisneyWorld Half with me...and closely watching me during the Full.  Bob is almost as protective of me and ze bebe as my own mom, so I know I'll have a watchful eye on me in FL.

Anyway, so now that the cat is out of the bag, blogging will be much easier.  (It's so difficult to stop writing, because now I feel like I have TOO much information to share in one post!) I was kicking myself for not having posted pre-race poetry for the past two races! (I still might have to...I can't help myself! :))

Only a few weeks...no bump yet (& even if I did, my amazing Ravens hat would distract the eye from the tummy!)

Oct. 2, 2011 - 8 wks. Clothes are too tight, so these are my "Will my boss notice?" pictures.

Mid-Nov. 2011 - 14 wks. The jig will be up soon.

Back in the saddle....

....even though the metaphorical saddle might still be a little tight-fitting.  My fitness situation is definitely on the upswing.  For the past two weeks, I've gotten up before 5:30 am to work out at least three days a week. (and a few of those times, I actually made it to my gym for a class!) 

I've also finished a couple of new runs around my neighborhood.  Well....the first one, I didn't exactly "finish" per se, because I dropped my directions and got lost....so I ended up running thirty minutes in one direction then turning around and running back--much more boring than the originally run I had planned, but at least I got a solid hour of work in.

My second run was better, at least directionally.  The road I now live on goes in one big loop, for about 4.8 miles, so if I stay on that road, then I knew I couldn't possibly get lost.  It was a challenging run though.  My new neighborhood, I'm finding out, while not mountainous, is quite hilly. I've been running lots of ups and downs....hopefully that will help me get ready for the infamously hilly Baltimore Marathon (in under two months....yikes!)   I can tell this running-sabbatical I've been on this summer has really taken a toll on my cardiovascular skills.  I still felt good at the end of my run, but I definitely could feel the run being more challenging than I'm used to. 

That's one of the problems with stopping a workout regimen and then trying to begin again:  I want to be at the same level of performance I was in the early spring, and instead, I'm having to work much harder to get back there.  It's slightly frustrating, but I keep trying to tell myself that my muscles remember and they will adapt, I just have to keep plugging away. 

The second problem with trying to get back into my routine is the feeling of impending injury.  I am by no means a hypochondriac, but I am aware of the dangers of over-training, and of doing "too much, too soon."  I've had tendinitis in my knee before, as well as ITBS and some weird foot-issues from running too far before I was ready.  Knowing all this makes me acutely aware of any sort of weird or random pains I might be feeling during my runs. I don't want to be a sissy (I mean, I do have to get my butt ready for the marathons I have planned this fall/winter) but at the same time, I don't want to try and "push through" a pain that maybe is significant, or my body trying to tell me something.  So far, so good....knock on wood. I've had some minor pain in my calf....but hopefully it will disappear and I'll be able to push through.

Last "growing pain" of getting pack in the saddle: weight gain, even though my diet and my exercise regimen is improving.  I hope/know it's probably muscle weight coming back on, but it's still very discouraging to be working hard again, and see the numbers on the scale going UP and not down....Its frustrating. 

But, at least it feels good to be back in my routine, and to be working on my fitness goals again.  My new job right now is incredibly busy until after Labor Day, but hopefully in September, I can ramp up the effort even more, and prepare as much as possible for my upcoming marathons!

To help motivate me in my preparations,  I've picked out my running costume for the Rock & Roll Las Vegas Marathon in December....obviously will need to add sneakers, sports bra, and brunette hair!